WWYD

As in, What Would You Do?  That is, if the guy you like has said he won't marry outside his religion.*  But the two of you have really good conversations and you make each other laugh.  And you understand what each other does for a living and how hard that can be. 

Also, it should be noted that I've tried to "fix" a guy in the past.  And I tried to wait it out and see if a man would change his mind about important life issues.  He didn't.  I don't want to go there again.

Do I let this little crush go before it gets out of hand?

* I'm not talking about a crazy cult here.  It's just Judaism.

Comments

[lisa]

i'd try to evaluate first how strongly he feels about this conviction. if it's a hard and fast, then i hate to say it, but it may be best to just walk away, or keep as valued friendship. if it's more of a "i always imagined/assumed..." then maybe the door is open. keep in mind that it may not just be him with particular ideas about marrying within/outside his faith, it may be family members. who, despite how wonderful the man may be, may hold sway. ask me sometime how i know about that one. i'm glad i cut those ties before i lived life wondering why i would never be "good enough" in their eyes.

i don't know. you have to seek happiness, whatever that means to you at each particular point in your life.

[Elspeth]

Have you considered joining the chosen people? Our snacks are great, we love to dance and instead of presents for one day, we believe in eight great nights.

More seriously though, Lisa's got it on the nose. Best of luck! Any guy who's "good enough" for you will see that religion is just one thing about a person, and when I think of you, I think "Amazing."

[Holly]

Honey, you have to do what will ultimately make you happy. If you know he's not going to budge on this, then he may not be the one. He may see how wonderfully amazing you are and just can't defy family and/or religious beliefs - but do you want that? That special guy is out there and will think that you are amazing and beautiful and everything he wants in a wife... and religion won't matter at all.

Love you. Good luck.

[Erin]

You were talking about how you don't want to "fix" someone, so let the same standards apply to you. Don't let someone try to "fix" you. You're awesome. You don't need to be fixed.

Say farewell to the dating aspect, and admit that you have a really great friend in this guy. Great friends are hard to find.

As far as dating is concerned, you deserve to be loved for who you are ... not for who someone else wants you to be. I believe it's better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. And, if someone doesn't love you for who you are, it's a bad relationship.

Just my thoughts ... thoughts from someone who searched hard to find a guy who liked all of the really weird things about me. And, let's be honest, I'm pretty odd :)

[Carol]

I'm going to go with Elspeth here. Find out how hard & fast the religion thing is and then decide how hard & fast the religion thing is for you. If you feel you can convert, you convert. If you don't feel you would ever want to, then you walk. You can't change him; you have to decide if it's worth changing you.

[Liz]

It depends on whether you're interested in converting. If not, agree (1) with the other folks here in that it sounds like he'll be a fantastic friend while you're out there looking for the guy who'll love you as you are, even as you love him for who he is.

[Phyl]

I'm going with Elspeth here too. That's what I would do. Hugs! and best of luck.

[Rossana]

Would you consider pulling a Charlotte York for him? Would it never cause you a moment's regret? Would he treat you as an equal and love you so very much in the manner you deserve and desire?

I agree with you and all the others above that you can't change a person. Yeah, you and I and a bazillion other folks all know this.

I think we need a wine night...

[Laura]

I pretty much ditto everyone above. You gotta be you. And if it's not a forever thing, maybe it could be a "for now" thing.